Don't Tell Them That!
by Desbelleschoses
Summary: Team Kakashi notices Anko and Tenzo/Captain Yamato sitting together at a dango stand and wonder how they know each other. Anko is more than happy to tell them, and she shamelessly tells them about the antics the jounin got into in their younger days. Tenzo is morbidly embarrassed, and the kids have no idea how to handle this information. References the Unofficial Rulebook Series


Anko gave a closed-lipped smile up at the waiter who brought a plate of dango to the table, still chewing a bite from the stick she held between her fingers. Across the table, Tenzo sat drinking a cup of tea, watching her with an amused expression on his face. She crossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair, gesturing at him with the pointed end of the stick as she swallowed. "What're you laughing at?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing," her friend replied innocently, and he might have been telling the truth. That is, until he added, "But I'm not carrying you home if you give yourself a stomachache again."

"I know what I can handle," she challenged him, letting the stick drop down onto the empty plate. Tenzo's fingers took the edge and moved it to the outside of the table so that it could be picked up by the next passing employee. "At least I pay my own tab," she snorted before pulling a rounded ball off of a stick with her teeth.

"Fair enough," Tenzo had to admit.

"Where is he, anyway?" she managed to enunciate.

"Off training Naruto, I think. Lady Tsunade has Sakura, and I'm not entirely sure what Sai's up to."

"Yamato, how dare you not keep tabs on your team?" Anko's eyes glinted in mock horror. He'd gotten much better about not knowing every detail, a fact which she'd greatly appreciated. Gone were the days when he had to know where, when, and how they were meeting, along with who would be there and what the plan was. It had taken years to convince him that he didn't need to know everything.

It was strange hearing her use his code name, but he appreciated the effort she made to do so. If only Kakashi would take a page out of her book when they were in public; that was something he didn't think he'd ever ask.

"Trust me," he chuckled, "compared to what you got me into at their age, they're positively tame."

Anko took a moment to reflect on that, laughing when she realized he was telling the truth. "That's saying something," she grinned. As troublesome as Naruto was, he had nothing on how they'd behaved at his age. "And I never _made_ you do anything. It's not my fault you give in to peer pressure. Besides, you'd've done anything he asked you to without batting an eye, and you know it." She smirked. "Still would."

"I'm much better about that, now, thank you," Tenzo quipped, snatching a stick of dango off the plate. For anyone else, that would have been a capitol offense in Anko's eyes.

"You're lucky I like you," she snapped, scowling at him for a moment, but she didn't retaliate.

He took a smug bite off the stick in response, the skin around his eyes crinkling with laughter.

"Holy shit," Naruto whispered, awestruck as he stood on the other side of the street. Sakura and Sai hadn't noticed that he'd stopped, but he couldn't get his thoughts together to call out to them. His jaw hung open.

"Naruto," Sakura grumbled when she realized he was missing. She turned on her heel and stalked back to him, demanding, "What do you think you're-"

"Shhhhh," Naruto silenced her with a wave of his hand. Her jaw set, indicating that she was about to yell, but he quickly gestured across the street. "Look," he hissed, pointing at their captain.

"What's Captain Yamato doing with Anko?" Sakura asked no one in particular.

"I don't know, but I just saw him take a stick of dango from her plate," Naruto informed her, his voice grave.

"And?" Sai pressed, trying to understand the gravity of such a simple move.

"I did that once," Naruto whispered, "and she stabbed me."

If it was possible, Sai went just a little bit paler.

Anko noticed the trio standing conspicuously in the street. With a smile, she waved at them, quipping, "Looks like your kids found you."

Tenzo arched an eyebrow as his subordinates whispered to one another before crossing the street. They looked like they were facing down a dangerous animal. "I thought you guys were training today," he mused, looking at each of them in turn.

"Lady Tsunade had to rush off to her office," Sakura informed her captain.

"Yeah," Naruto chimed in, "and she sent for Kakashi-sensei. Granny Tsunade kicked me and Sakura out, so I guess we're done for the day."

"I ran into them on my way back from the library," Sai added helpfully, although his particular whereabouts weren't as pertinent.

"Is everything ok?" Tenzo asked, looking at Sakura.

"I think so," she assured him. "She didn't seem worried. Just busy."

Tenzo sighed in relief despite himself. "That's good." To cover himself, he added, "Today's the first day off I've had in weeks. I'm glad I won't be pulled off on some mission."

"You mean you don't have to babysit Kakashi," Anko grinned at him knowingly, a gesture that went over the kids' heads.

"Captain Yamato," Sakura hesitated, "I didn't know that you and Anko knew each other."

"Oh, yeah," Anko waved a bare stick in the air in front of herself as she spoke. "Going on, what, eight years now?" she mused, and Tenzo gave her a nod of affirmation. "Damn," she whistled. "We're getting really fucking old."

Sakura was so busy marveling at the information that she almost missed her captain retort "Speak for yourself. I'm still twenty-five." She watched him dodge the stick that Anko threw at him as punishment for reminding her that she was closer to thirty than she was to twenty. This was just too weird.

"How's that possible?" Naruto asked, scratching the back of his head. "We didn't even know you existed until Kakashi-sensei was in the hospital."

"Believe it or not, I didn't just spring into existence the day you met me," Tenzo said as evenly as possible, somehow managing not to laugh.

"I know, but… it's too hard to imagine you as a kid," Naruto admitted.

"Oh, that's easy. Just imagine what he'd look like if he were a girl," Anko said helpfully, much to her companion's disdain. "You know, without the boobs."

Preemptively avoiding the barrage of questions he could see forming in Sai's mind, Tenzo explained, "I was thin with long hair when we met."

"It took me forever to figure out what you were when you showed up," Anko admitted, despite their company. "The hoodie didn't do you any favors."

"And you'd already had too much to drink," Tenzo retorted, hoping to end that particular conversation. His hopes were dashed when Anko accidentally said too much.

"It's not my fault we didn't know Kakashi was going to show up."

The kids, now thoroughly interested, took the liberty of joining them at the table, looking on with interest. "Kakashi-sensei introduced you, then?" Sakura asked.

"Ehh," Anko made a face before taking another bite of dango. "Less introduced, more showed up on my doorstep late to a hangout."

"Sounds like Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura admitted with a sigh.

"So, what, you guys just like… chilled?" Naruto squinted, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Yeah," Tenzo tried to regain control of the conversation. "The same way you three might spend time with the other teams."

"You mean like videogame night?" Naruto asked.

Anko cackled in response, almost choking herself on dango. She coughed several times into her hand, and it wasn't clear if the tears in her eyes were from her predicament or from laughter. "Yeah, kid. Like videogame night."

Sai leaned in toward Naruto, informing him, "I think she was being sarcastic."

"I don't get it," Naruto admitted. He had a tough time reading Anko. He always had.

Anko's shamelessness was a characteristic Tenzo could appreciate, but her unabashed proclamation made him wince as she informed the kids, "You don't want to know half the shit we got up to as a group."

"And they don't _need_ to know," Tenzo cut her off pointedly.

That was a grave mistake, he realized as he saw the way all three sets of eyes shone with curiosity. "C'mon, now you _have_ to tell us a story!" Naruto exclaimed. "Pleeeeeease?" he begged. He grinned like the devil when he remembered who he was talking to. "I'll buy you another plate of dango."

"Done," Anko agreed without hesitation. Tenzo looked at her, aghast at her betrayal. Naruto scurried off, frog-shaped wallet in hand to purchase his shameless bribe. She winked across the table at Tenzo, one corner of her mouth lifting into a smirk. Her eyes told him not to worry, but he knew better. At least she was sober.

Naruto threw himself back into his seat, his order placed. "Tell us, tell us, tell us!"

Anko mused for a moment, trying to find something innocuous yet interesting enough to entertain them. Finding something specific to just their sensei and captain was difficult to do without incriminating anyone else. "Well, like I said, eight years ago Kakashi just shows up with Yamato in tow at my place. Damn, what were we doing that night?" Her eyes flicked upward in thought. "Oh, my god," she grinned, looking back to Tenzo. "That's when you made Guy streak!"

The captain paled at the memory, stifling a groan into his hand. He'd almost managed to block that one out. In his defense, he argued, "I didn't know he would _do it_. It's not like anyone warned me!"

"Yeah, that's our bad," Anko admitted with a grimace.

A collective shudder wracked the three listeners, who could have gone their whole lives without that mental image.

"He felt so bad, though," Anko continued, "that he left Guy his hoodie after Asuma stole his clothes." She snickered. Her breath caught before she howled, "And Guy tried to make Kakashi give him his pants! Fuck, I forgot about that!"

Even Tenzo couldn't hold back a snort at that memory. "He tried to make _everyone_ give him their pants."

Out of morbid curiosity, Sakura asked, "Did you?"

"Nah, Kurenai ruined the fun and gave him back his clothes," Anko replied lazily. She took the plate handed to her by the waiter, who gave her a concerned look as he took away another empty dish from the table.

"Come on, I want to hear about Kakashi-sensei and Captain Yamato!" Naruto pressed, his voice edging on a whine.

Tenzo gave Anko a warning look as she tried to recall the events of that night. It was particularly memorable, she knew, but she couldn't quite remember why. Tenzo, apparently, did, judging by the way his eyes tried to bore holes into her. "I know we made a rule or two that night…" she drummed her fingers on the table. Let's see… Asuma can't smoke," she listed on her fingers, going through the mental list, "No weapons in arguments… Ah! No climbing on furniture after drinking! Yeah!" she snapped her fingers together. Suddenly recalling the origin of that rule, she cackled, clutching at her sides and kicking her feet.

Three curious faces turned to Tenzo, who tried to ignore them. He could either let Anko explain, or he could beat her to the punch. "Kakashi-senpai fell off a coffee table," he informed his subordinates, hoping to end their questions with his monotone response. That was a more than plausible scenario that the three of them could easily imagine.

"Yeah, on _you_." Anko sneered. Tenzo winced at the memory, as though he could still feel the pain in his forehead. "Scared Kurenai shitless. Remember? She was worried he'd given you a concussion."

"How?" Sai arched an eyebrow at the improbability.

Tenzo sighed. He was in too deep now, so he might as well respond when he could to keep Anko from telling them excess information. "He has a very hard head."

"Why was Kakashi-sensei on the coffee table, anyway?" Naruto scoffed at his sensei's apparent idiocy. He knew that Kakashi wasn't as cool as he wanted them to think.

"He was stripping," Anko informed them, and all three froze. Naruto's face was contorted in horror, Sakura was flushed bright red, and Sai seemed interested in hearing the rest of the story. Tenzo glared at Anko behind their backs. "What?" she inquired. "He was. Remember? Guy dared him."

If those three went to Kakashi about this, he was going to throw Anko squarely underneath the bus. Trying to twist his embarrassment into a learning opportunity, he lectured, "And this is why you don't do stupid things when you're younger, kids. Because someone always remembers."

Anko laughed, a hiss through her toothy smile. "Yeah, kids, listen to your mom. Alcohol is evil and you can never have any fun."

Naruto couldn't help but think they'd bitten off more than they could chew here. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of a way to escape the situation. Unfortunately, Sakura was somewhere far off, and he didn't really want to know what she was thinking. He reached around Sakura's legs to kick Sai in the shin, but he was blatantly ignored by his newest teammate.

"I've read that alcohol can be healthy to ease social interaction," Sai smiled. "Is that true?"

"Kid, there's some things a book can't tell you," Anko pursed her lips. He was a weird one. "But yeah." She looked him up and down, puzzling. "Are you underage?"

"Yes," Tenzo answered in a warning tone. "They all are."

"Ah. Well, you have to wait until one of you is, then. Or find someone willing to buy it for you. That's what we did." Her eyes flicked to Tenzo. " _What_?" she demanded. "It's what we did! God, don't be so uptight."

"Quit being a bad influence."

"Maa, Tenzo, you can't ask Anko to change who she is." Kakashi leaned forward, putting his face next to Tenzo's. His eye smiled when it closed, showing his good humor. Tenzo was far too accustomed to his sudden appearances to be startled, even at such a close proximity. He glanced at his senpai out of the corner of his eye in disapproval.

"Kakashi-senpai, please tell Anko not to tell your students about our misguided antics from when we were their age," Tenzo pled.

"Oh? What were we sharing?" Kakashi straightened up and placed a hand on the back of Tenzo's chair, directing his gaze to Anko.

"I was just telling them about the night I met Yamato," Anko informed him with an innocent smile.

Kakashi looked over at the kids. Sakura was avidly avoiding his gaze, her unblinking eyes focused on a street sign further down the road, past his shoulder. He resisted the urge to activate his sharingan just to make sure she was breathing. Sai was smiling in that unnerving, pseudo-genuine manner that would disarm lesser men; he still couldn't get an accurate read on that one. Naruto, however, was the most expressive of the group, looking equal parts intrigued and uncomfortable.

He let out a short laugh at the situation. "Did you tell them about Guy trying to steal my pants?"

"Of course," Anko laughed. "That's one of the best parts of the story. The only thing better is how you fell trying to strip."

Kakashi winced, much the same way Tenzo had. "I could've broken my neck," he admitted. "If you kids drink, don't go climbing on furniture, okay?" he requested, and surprisingly all three nodded their heads in unison.

"Not you, too, Senpai…" Tenzo groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. Was it really this hard to be a good, responsible captain? Did anyone else have to try to protect the innocence of their charges from the twisted minds of their elders? He had a sinking suspicion that Kakashi had never made such an effort.

"You act like you didn't have fun," Kakashi challenged good-naturedly. He looked over at Anko. "Did you tell them about the time Tenzo walked up to that bachelorette party and told them how to pole dance?"

All the color in Tenzo's tanned face drained as he stammered, "In my defense, they were going to hurt themselves!"

"When was this?" Sakura looked at her captain in utter disbelief.

"Six months ago?" Anko estimated, doing some mental calculations.

The kids looked like they'd been struck by lightning. Sakura stood up sharply, muttering in a single breath, "Well that's it for us we have to get back now we have training to do come on guys see you later bye!" Her fingers wrapped around Sai and Naruto's wrists, and she drug them down the street in her wake.

Anko screamed in laughter when Sakura's stern voice reached them, "What Sensei and Captain Yamato do in their free time is none of our business, now _shut up!_ " Sakura looked back over her shoulder when she heard Anko laugh, realizing with a start that she'd been heard. The two boys shouted in protest as she broke into a run with them in tow.

Tenzo narrowed his eyes at the two people he held the dearest. "I hate you both."

Attempting to placate him, Anko leaned over the table and shoved a stick of dango in his open mouth.


End file.
